Getting Help...

...Which brings me to this....

I had an individual session for our marriage counselling and well i just sorta blurted out that i wasn't coping and then she started asking questions and well long story short she is worried about me phoning me daily and can tell when I'm lying even down the phone grrrr.

But i know have a thousand appointments to book and attend and its scary as all hell...It's one thing admitting to yourself you have a problem but letting 'professionals' know well that just scared the shit out of me.

Last time i was in counselling for my depression i tried telling him and well he went on to point out where my "fat deposits" were (his words not mine) and tell me there was no problem......yup my worst nightmare all in one!

So to have to tell others and whilst I'm at about my highest weight i dunno. I keep telling myself to loose weight first then get help but i know that's not the right way to think and i know its not about the weight but the food but jeez i can control the food i can't control what people think about me and my size....

got to stop thinking about it just causing more grief grrr

deep breaths no need to panic.........much

Baby did a bad bad thing

So this last week things have gotten a little out of control....not been eating well at all just here and there when people are around....

realised there is going to be a problem when it got to almost 48hours when anything but water had passed my lips....